Color TV

On my drive to and from work, I pass 7 motels that advertise "Color TV". Is this really necessary anymore?

It's BEfriend

I am now very accustomed to social networks, the way they work and the culture surrounding them. I was a facebook member since the URL, was actually thefacebook.com because facebook.com was some other company's website. I was a member when it was only intended for college students, and you had to wait for each college to be added before you could join. I remember anxiously awaiting Chapman University's activation so that I could befriend my cousin, Sarah. Until that point, I'm not sure that our friendship was officially recognized. And, who could forget when they added the photo option, and then shortly thereafter TAGGING.

I think social networks are great. It's been fun "keeping in touch" (I'll use this term lightly) with people I would have never otherwise. You all know what I'm talking about; facebook stalking. We've all done it. You know you've kept close tabs on that girl who got pregnant, or that hot guy you met once. We're all guilty. We've come to use the word "stalking" with such carelessness that we can now go to lunch in a crowded place and say, "So, this morning I was stalking John..." and no one will look twice. I guess this is positive news for actual stalkers.

Because facebook stalking is so common, you have to be careful about who you are befriending. Who are these "friends"? My dad told me about a story he read somewhere about a guy who saw that his facebook friend count was up to 1000. He said, "I'm going to throw a party and buy all my friends a beer." The invite went out to all of his friends with a time and place to show up for a free beer. About 100 replied yes, some said no and the majority never responded. The day of the party, he was expecting to meet at least 10% of his friends. He brought along one good buddy for moral support and it was a good thing he did, because it ended up being just the two of them. No one showed. So, ladies and gentlemen, keep this story in mind and don't rely on your facebook friends in a sticky situation.

You may have noticed my use of the word befriend during this post. I'd like to end this post with a reminder that friend is NOT a verb. You can't friend someone. You may befriend someone, or accept or deny friendships, but I'm sorry, you sound like an idiot when you say, "She friended me!" or "I'm totally defriending him."

Operation Protective Services

I was leaving for lunch today and I walked past this car. Operation Protective Services?? What a dumb name for a security company. It sounds like a club my brothers and I would have made up when we were little kids. I bet their office is located in a tree house and it has a secret password like, "Boys rule, girls drool".

Cyan

My printer just prompted me to change my "cyan ink cartridge". After thinking for a moment, "hmm is that the pink one or blue one?" I had to google cyan to find that really it was just BLUE. (I didn't have a crayola box handy) I went to find the cyan cartridge and saw the box labeled "cyan" with the blue color swatch. Let's be real people, can't we just call it blue?

Hipsters

Today I'm going to cover one of my favorite social observations. Hipsters.

There is no one definition of a hipster, but these scarf wearing, dirty hair, tight jeans, mustached freaks travel in packs, often wearing short shorts and slip-on vans. You know the ones I mean. Anything "main stream" is awful. They are above any cultural phenomenons, except for phenomenons of the 80's and early 90's, i.e. neon sunglasses and fanny packs. Please see photo above:

I grew up in Seattle, and now I live in LA. I've observed enough snobby, sour-attitude, wack dressing, holier-than-thou hipsters to last a lifetime. I am no expert, but I'd like to think that because of my surroundings I'm qualified enough to comment on the following observations.

Hipsters DON'T HAVE JOBS. Why is this? What do they do? You can be sure that at any concert on a week night, it is full of care-free Hipsters drinking the night away. You stand next to them checking your watch and thinking, "Damn it! Only 7 hours until I have to get up for work. Am I the only one concerned about this?" After assessing your surroundings you come to the conclusion, yes, you are the only one concerned. Still not convinced? I have more evidence to support this no jobs theory. As someone who was unemployed for 3 months, I would often go to the beach or out running errands, etc. Without fail, I would see Hipsters hand in hand on the boardwalk, having long, leisurely brunches, or simply shopping at Target at 2pm on a Tuesday. What do they do for money!?! They can't all have trust funds, can they? I just can't figure it out.

Hipsters HATE hipsters and constantly talk about this burning hatred. If you ever want to truly hurt a hipster deep down, call them a hipster to their face. That's the most offensive thing you could say. What I don't understand is how they can tell which hipsters are acceptable and which aren't? Is it a bandanna color, or better yet, a sunglasses color? I just can't figure that out either. They all look pretty weird to me.

Hipsters are only friends with other Hipsters. But, in a crazy turn of events, as I just mentioned before, hipsters hate other hipsters. Therefore, I think on some level, all hipsters hate their friends.

Confused? I am. Hipsters sure are a confusing social group. Do you think we can call them a social group since none of them identify with this "group"? It is such a clear cut group from the outside, yet so complex on the inside. It's a group where all members are embarrassed of membership, yet their neon clothes scream, "I AM HIPSTER, HEAR ME ROAR!" So, a message to all the hipsters out there. If you're going to go there, go there. Just admit it, you're a hipster. That's fine by us. We'd rather you just be honest with us, and more importantly, yourself. You didn't come up with that wack ass outfit on your own, you saw some other hipster wearing it and you thought it looked cool. That's fine. Own it, brother!

*For the record, I do not hate hipsters. I simply do not understand their ways. Please comment to shed light on my misunderstandings.

Great Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919

My friend Sam alerted me of the greatest sweetener related disaster in our country's history, the Great Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919. 90 Years ago today, January 15th, 1919, 21 people died and 115 were injured when a tanker filled with molasses exploded...or something. From what I can gather, the molasses made some sort of gooey tidal wave and filled the streets of Boston. Wikipedia claims that this wave was between 8 and 15 ft high, moving at 35 mph. Now the 35 mph part I have a problem with, because first, who was measuring this speed? and second because 35 mph is pretty fast for something known to move as slow as...well...molasses. But I'll let that slide for now. The tidal wave totally demolished the streets, taking houses and buildings with it. Need a moment to ponder this? Me too.

If you die by drowning in a tidal wave of molasses, or getting hit by a falling coconut while walking on the beach, I'm sorry. What a way to go. Those types of deaths are so completely out of your hands that it's almost laughable. It's truly God just saying, "Well, that guy's time is up." Anyway, never forget those lost in this great sweetener related tragedy. I'm sorry that you died, but you sure gave me a good laugh 90 years later.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster

Age-Progression, Schmage-Progression

The past few days I have been reading about Adam Herrman, a child who disappeared in 1999 and was only recently reported missing by his parents of the year. Because he's been missing for so long, we don't know what he might look like now. We're relying on age-progression technology to find Adam. The geniuses of the Butler County Sheriff's office in Kansas came up with this photo using age-progression technology.

I'm not trying to be insensitive here, but I have a few discrepancies about this photo. I feel like Mr. Age Progression is jumping to a few too many conclusions.

First of all...the teeth. Wow, what the heck is going on here? I mean, this is a really nice set of chompers on this guy. If he has, in fact, been on the run for the past 10 years, I doubt he had the time or resources to endure the bimonthly orthodontic visits these perfectly straight teeth would require. If I was 13 and had no parental supervision, I can't imagine that the orthodontist would be on my "places to visit" list. But these teeth show evidence of great care. Not only are they straight, but they are white...a little too white if you ask me. Crest White Strips aren't cheap either. Am I reaching to assume that homeless people are more worried about finding food or shelter than the state of their teeth?

OK, moving along. The eyes. If you look at the early photo of Adam Herrman he has brownish eyes. Why, after 10 years did his eyes suddenly turn piercing blue? They're nice eyes, don't get me wrong. It's just in my experience eyes pretty much stay in the same color family, and his baby blues are REALLY blue.

Next...the glasses. If we're assuming here that he's fronting the bill for braces and teeth whitening, can't he splurge on some new glasses? He's obviously concerned with his look. Not that these crappy, "little kid of the 70's" glasses aren't nice...but I just think he would want to update his look. I imagine he probably wanted to update his look from the moment he got those dumb glasses. Come on Mr. & Mrs. Herrman! It was 1999 in this photo, not 1973. What is with these glasses? Are those really the best glasses you could find? I realize that you may have been working with a tight budget, but still, I had glasses in 1990 that were more current than those things.

In conclusion, I'm not dissing anyone for trying to find Adam because I really do hope that he turns up. But honestly folks, is this really what this kid would look like after 10 years on the run? Probably not. I think this age-progression "technology" could use some work. But just in case, keep your eyes open for an attractive 21 year old, with nice teeth, bright blue eyes and little kid glasses.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/01/07/kansas.boy.missing/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Testing...testing 123

I was urged by a friend to start a blog about my daily observations. So, here you go Jeff; this one's for you.